A VICTORIOUS MARRIAGE
About a year into my second marriage, my soul kept
telling me that this marriage was a failure and to get out of the marriage.
Conflicts were arising and I did not want to stay in the marriage. I was
planning to go to Florida without telling my wife. But God had another
plan. Early one morning, I had a visitation from YHVH, God. I was at the
table planning a Bible study for the day when I saw a huge man-like figure
that touched the ceiling. I looked up and He spoke to me and said, “That
book did not die for you, I did.” I fell on my knees and when I looked up
He was gone. I then realized that Yeshua, Jesus was alive. I needed a
relationship with the Messiah, not knowledge of the Bible alone. I had
the letter but not the Spirit of the Word. No wonder I didn’t have love to
give my wife, I didn’t have a relationship with the one who is love: God.
Once I sought to know Yeshua, He showed me the mindset He had concerning a
wife. All I had known was from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
(Genesis 2:9). I needed the tree of life to give me the mind of the
Messiah. This tree of life is the word of God. I saw how Yeshua defeated
the enemy in His wilderness by speaking the word into the situation. So,
like David did with Goliath, I found 5 smooth stones to throw at my enemy.
My particular stones were:
Proverbs 18:22 Whoso finds a wife finds favor with God
Psalms 128:3 Your wife will be a fruitful vine within your house
Ephesians 5:23 Husbands love your wife as Yeshua does His assembly
Ephesians 5:28 Husbands love your wife as yourself
1 Peter 3:7-11 Husbands dwell with your wife in knowledge and honor
Whenever conflict would arise in my home I would speak
the word of God into it and the conflict would disappear. Eventually after
my struggles, Yeshua broke through and my mind was renewed. The eyes of my
heart were turned to the ways of YHVH. I started seeing my wife as God sees
her and the enemy had no power over me. He could not divide what God had
put together. I see now that the visitation was given so that YHVH could
have His plan, which was for me to be married to this great woman. As I
started memorizing these 5 scriptures it planted the word in my heart so
that I would not sin against YHVH. These scriptures started healing my mind
(Heb.4:12). Victory came as I got my soul and spirit in correct alignment
with YHVH. The Holy Spirit kept reminding me that I must love my wife as
Messiah loved me. This was a slow process and is still going on. But now I
live the victorious life that Yeshua died for. My wife is now a cherished
partner. Not only are we one in the natural but also in the spirit. This
is the Kingdom of God where every bitter thing becomes sweet (Proverbs
27:7).We all have certain obstacles that YHVH places in our
lives to get us to walk from the natural into the spirit (this is the
wilderness). You get through the wilderness (a dry place) by speaking
YHVH’s word into that obstacle as Jesus did in Math 4. Proverbs 18:21 say
Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Yeshua defeated the lion, (Satan
the enemy of our soul) by His death (Colossians 2:15). David defeated the
lion and the bear (1Samuel 17:36). Sampson defeated the lion (Judges
14:8). If you add the living water (the word of God) into the wilderness
you will have life. Then you will live in the victory Yeshua died for.
“Some say, “SEXUAL ABUSE IS NOT
CURABLE”
Untrue but a very common statement. What happened to prove
this was a profound work of the miracle power of Yeshua.
I was seeking a closer love relationship with Him, mainly through intimate
alone time in prayer and praise. Because I was frustrated in my limited
ability to speak out verbally my love to Yeshua, I asked for Satan to be
removed from barring my lips. Immediately I began speaking in a foreign
tongue. Unlearned about this I was very
afraid. But others older in the walk assured me of it’s proper scriptural
truths. This ‘well’ of speaking in the Holy Spirit, washed me of my
dark places of abuse until the day of proof. YHVH arranged a meeting with
the offender. I was amazed at the healing that allowed me to freely love
him. Proof of forgiveness!!
Let
me add one piece of revelation in this testimony. Tongues is not what
delivered me. That was the means Yeshua used, but the reason deliverance
came was because of His jealous love for us. When we want a closer walk
because of a yearning to love Him more, He will answer quickly. Psalm
18:1-19
UNGODLY WIFE TRANSFORMED
Ephesians 5:33b says, ‘see that the wife reverence
her husband.’
One
day, the voice of the Holy Spirit spoke within me and said, “Your attitude
towards your husband doesn’t please me.” Wow, I was shocked since I cleaned
his house, cooked his meals and washed his clothes,
so...? The verse in Ephesians above
stared at me with a glare. Ok, ok, so it’s true, I don’t reverence him.
Not to mention, this was my second marriage. I had to be honest, I
didn’t know how to be a godly wife. I was
saddened, yet I didn’t feel repentant or
confess my need and ask to be made into a godly wife. In
prayer, I saw the situation from
YHVH’s perspective. He saw my disrespect as an insult to Him! Wow, once I
saw that I got serious. I
repented of insulting YHVH with my attitude and actions. I asked Him to
change me into a wife that is pleasing to Him. He spoke to me again
and said, “Your attitude towards your husband is the same as your attitude
towards me (1 John 4:20-21). This caused me to be sincerely sorry for I
felt the sting of shame for treating YHVH so
disrespectfully. After repentance came a
shield of faith to buffer the blows that came verbally from my husband.
(YHVH didn’t move on my husband’s attitude towards me until after He had
made my motive solid in pleasing Him. We
can try and change for an earthly reward instead of doing it for His sake.)
I encourage you that when the armor mentioned in Ephesians 6:16 says
a shield of faith will extinguish all the fiery darts of the Evil One, this
is a real shield. I remember standing in the line of fire, hearing the
abuse but feeling joy and peace. It was most awesome. This shield held
my faith as the transition in me was being done: a vessel of honor for
service to the King!
SMOTHERING MOTHERING
Unconditional
love...where do you find it? I looked hungrily at family, marriage,
friends...no where did I find it. Then children came and with each one I
found a measure of unconditional love--at first. In order for me
to keep this ‘love’ I had to compromise.
My judgments were bias and I manipulated situations to make things
smooth. No discipline is necessary if you arrange the circumstances. This
was a high price for these children were
expected to fulfill my need for unconditional love. As they became older
and more independent, wonderfully so, I wasn’t the focus of their life. This friction resulted in them
leaving the home when they became
14 years old. When the first one approached the age of 14, I heard the
Holy Spirit (Ruach Kodesh) say, “She is now more mine than yours.”
He also urged me to give her the diary I had written about her during each year of
her life. It was intended to be given to her at the age of 18. I was
overwhelmed! I argued with YHVH and cried and cried and cried. Despite all my resistance, my firstborn
left my house at 14 and has never returned to sleep under my roof.
The aftershock was so intense I had to enlarge this verse on poster board
and put it on the wall in front of my chair in the living room. It was
Matthew 11:26 which reads, “Even so Father, for so it seems good in your
sight.” I heard the Ruach Kodesh say, “I am not ashamed of your tears, just
don’t stop following me.” It has been almost 14 years since that traumatic
separation. I can see clearer now how YHVH blessed my desire for
unconditional love. He moved everyone out of my life that took His place so
I could have real and eternal love from
Him. Because I now know and believe that He alone has this supply, He has
allowed my children and
husband to become precious relationships. None replace YHVH as my
source--in fact He is the source of love for them too, through me. No more
do I have to smother to mother. Hallelujah!!!
REJECTION---DIVORCE
How common divorce is
today. If you are divorced, you know the spirit of rejection. YHVH says He
hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). Why would He find it so offensive? The
original design God created was that the man
and woman would become one flesh (Genesis
2:24). When something is created by being united, as in marriage,
it is destroyed when it is cut in two
again. Some might reason that this is only in word, once you were called
married, now you are not. But let
me assure you, this is not so simple. A vow creates, just like the word of
YHVH creates. When you destroy this creation, a death occurs. A
death is hard enough but with divorce you face guilt, shame, rejection,
bitterness, hatred to name a few. Many would desire to refuse these
emotions or deny them but they are real. They affect all your future
relationships with unhealthy mind sets. Is there restoration after this? I
have sought a healing in my divorce for
20 years. That doesn’t seem very encouraging but let me finish my
testimony. I pray you will be given hope. My divorce brought
me to the lowest point I’ve ever experienced, but also helped me cry out to
YHVH the most. He supplied a most gracious gift to heal me--- the Holy
Spirit. He truly is a comforter. To gauge my progress, He sent me another
husband. I needed to know my sickness
so I could be healed. I could repent and receive restoration with my
attitudes and mind set concerning my present
husband but one serious flaw held me back. This flaw, I believe, has been
the major reason I have waited 20 years to be restored. The flaw is
unforgiveness! I wanted to be bitter and unforgiving. Until I could beat
my breast and cry, “Forgive ME, a sinner,” I had a hard time forgiving my
ex-husband. At times I still want to nurse the old hurts, but the Holy
Spirit is there to help me turn away from this dark and sick place.
Proverbs 4:23 says, “Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it
flow the springs of life.” I must chose what I meditate on for it becomes
part of me.
